Written by Heather Glover
As a nurse, I’ve looked after dozens of women who’ve had breast cancer. I’ve lost colleagues and relatives to this disease, yet quite ignorantly, I never thought it would affect me. I thought breastfeeding my babies would protect me, that I was too fit, healthy and young to get breast cancer.
I was 46 when I found a prominent lump poking out of my right breast while showering. The diagnosis was Triple Negative Breast Cancer. I underwent chemotherapy, lumpectomy and the removal of lymph nodes, as the cancer had spread there. After a recovery period, on I went to radiotherapy. My breast was saved and I was grateful.
Going back to work, about 10 months after diagnosis, felt so good. To feel useful and to have a purpose helping others again felt fabulous. It wasn’t easy and straightforward. You would think it would feel incredible to finish treatment, but it actually feels like falling off a cliff. Suddenly, nobody is keeping a check on you. I had experienced one of the most frightening things in my life. I’d suffered the toxic and body altering side effects and consequences of treatment, and I was simply told to “Go and enjoy my life”. The best thing I did was to access counselling provided by a cancer charity, as it helped me process everything that the previous 9 months had brought to me. A couple of months later, I was in a much better headspace and I began training for a half marathon to raise money for that charity. That kept me busy, but boy I was a bit tired!
Then, 9 months after treatment had finished, I was in the shower once again when I found a lump on the surgery scar. It was like Déjà vu. I was far from calm on discovering this lump. Terror stalks you once you’ve had cancer and I felt frozen with fear; standing and breathing felt impossible for several minutes.
Then, 9 months after treatment had finished, I was in the shower once again when I found a lump on the surgery scar.
This time, TNBC was far more aggressive, and the tumor was twice as big as the original one. Treatment started with a mastectomy. To be honest, I was relieved to get rid of this breast that seemed intent on harming me. I wanted the pain gone. I wanted the cancer gone. I wanted the worry gone (only that never happens once you’ve had a cancer diagnosis).
Due to the location and type of tumor, and as I had received previous radiotherapy to the area, a large amount of skin needed removing. The surgeon was concerned about my healing capabilities and said there would be no room for a tissue expander, let alone an implant. I didn’t have enough fat anywhere at that time to have any kind of flap reconstruction, so I was informed that I’d need to wear a prosthetic. There was no conversation or information about aesthetic flat closure being an option, although that’s essentially what I got.
I was relieved to wake up after the mastectomy surgery. I did struggle to look down at my dressings and I grieved that part of me which had been taken. I couldn’t get used to my lopsided shape, although when I was dressed and wearing my prosthetic, I could ignore how I felt. I had chemo, then tried to adjust to life again. This is when I became very involved with the charity Prevent Breast Cancer which helped my mental and emotional healing very much.
I never adjusted to being asymmetrical though. And I never stopped fearing the return of TNBC. I knew that I’d need a preventative mastectomy on the healthy side to reduce my future risk, and I wanted to get on with that so I could hopefully put this whole period of time behind my family and me.
When I went for the preventative mastectomy I asked the surgeons to match the aesthetic appearance of the first mastectomy – a clean, smooth, flat closure. I had two incredibly talented oncoplastic surgeons who performed fantastic surgery and I’m grateful for that. The idea of further surgery to reconstruct did not appeal to me at all, especially as it would be a lengthy process with expanders. Subconsciously, I had made my decision to remain flat and I was very happy with the appearance of my scars once I had healed.
Once I was symmetrically flat, I quickly learned that I didn’t like wearing prosthetics and hated my fake boobs. I had made peace with my appearance and accepted my new breastless body and I didn’t want to feel as though I was changing my image each time I dressed or undressed. It made me unhappy, so I decided to embrace my new flat shape, my flat chest, and refused to feel embarrassed, ashamed or to hide it away. Why should I?
Slowly, my confidence grew, and I began searching for pretty lingerie for women with a flat chest. I had grown up putting my bra on ever since I grew boobs so it felt as though I had forgotten to put something on. The weather was warming up and I had some nice floaty tops, some deep V neck shirts, and these easily revealed that I had nothing on my chest – that made me feel uncomfortable. The stretchy sports crop tops didn’t work beneath a lot of my clothes, I wanted something lacy and dainty and bra shaped. I was disappointed and saddened to discover that none existed. So I asked my friend Kate, who loved sewing and was really talented, if she could make me a flat bra. The piece that arrived on my doorstep was incredible! It was the prettiest thing I’d seen and when I put it on, I was overcome with emotion. I felt empowered, beautiful, feminine. I wanted to run outside and show the world!
My immediate thought was, “We need to share this with every other flat or small-chested person out there!” Ta-dah… Skarlette was born! It was the very first seed in the creation of our lingerie which has been designed by flat women for flat women. Our lingerie is different as the Skarlette has no cups or pleats, just perfectly soft triangles to sit comfortably against the chest, and a deeper underband, sensitive to the needs of a post breast cancer chest.
Now we have our very own beautiful flat bralettes for those occasions we choose to wear lingerie. Women who go flat don’t actually need to wear a bra, so wearing a Skarlette is purely about choice, a decision made for yourself.
We have so much more to our journey on our website www.Skarlette.co.uk and we have more designs of lingerie, including a camisole as our latest piece. In the spring of 2023, we’re super excited to be launching our first swimwear, so please follow our social media on Facebook and Instagram @theskarlette so you know as soon as it’s available.